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Christmas For a Cat (A Poem)

So you've been out shopping for Christmas gifts I see

Well it's okay for you humans But what about a cat like me

You got an armload full of presents what is all that crap

Just a bunch of boxes that I can't help unwrap

Got set up a fancy tree that I can't climb up

Drinking lots of eggnog but don't offer me a cup

Don't give me any of that shrimp cocktail on your plate

Fill my dish with dried up Friskies and claim that I already ate

Bring in a bunch of string to make me think you've made my day

Just so you can plug it in and swat me if I play

Well I've had enough of Christmas and now you're gonna pay

I'll show you that it's hazardous to torture me this way

When I leave paw prints on your pie what will your guests all say

I'll run every pair of pantyhose that passes by my way

They'll quit eating turkey and that dip you just opened

When I jump up in their lap and pass some kitty wind

I'll snag the cashmere sweater of your husband's boss's wife

And make you wish your mother had never gave you life

When you throw me out into the cold you'll wish you'd kept me in though

'Cause I'll go and get my girlfriend and we'll yowl outside your window

So if you want a Christmas you know what it better be?

If it ain't make "kitty happy day" you're gonna hear from me!

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